Witchery Healing and all the In-betweens

  Somatic Anchors in Fur and Scales        Living with the "Dizzy Sea" means my world can sometimes feel like it’s spinning out of control. When the POTS flares or the DDD pain becomes a roar, I don’t always need a doctor—I need my Guardians. In my house, healing isn't just about tinctures and rituals; it’s about the breathing, living souls who keep me grounded to the earth. Conan: The Observant Soul Breed:  Catahoula & German Shepherd Mix.       Conan is the intelligence of the operation. With the striking patterns of a Catahoula and the loyal "work ethic" of a Shepherd, he is incredibly observant. He has this way of watching over the perimeter of our clearing, making sure the world stays at bay while I rest. He reminds me that it’s okay to take up space and that my safety is a priority. Lilo: The Velvet Protector Breed:  Rhodesian Ridgeback & Pitbull Mix.       Lilo is my gentle protector. With the stre...

  The Lessons of the Province        Lately, I’ve found myself captivated by a specific corner of YouTube: women living in the rural provinces of the Philippines and other parts of the world. I watch them transform humble, non-glamorized houses into true homes... Spaces where their families are raised in safety and simplicity. It has shifted my perspective. In the West, we are surrounded by a culture of "more," yet watching these creators reminds me that we often live in luxury without even realizing it. It has crystallized the life I want: a simple, slow-living existence. To live modestly, yet comfortably, sipping my coffee and appreciating everything we have... Even when it isn't "ideal." Starting from Scratch        My path to this quiet morning coffee was not a straight line. It was a jagged escape. When I finally left my abusive past, I left with nothing but two bags of essentials and what my gecko, Yennifer, needed to survive. We were s...

  The Open Window        Today, I am sitting by my window, letting the cool breeze wash over the room. Outside, the sky has turned that soft, heavy grey that usually signals a storm, and the first drops have begun to fall. For many, the bright, sunny weather is their grounding, the light that pulls them out of the shadows. But for me, the rain is  my  grounding. While the world retreats inside, I find myself opening the glass to meet the mist, to feel and breathe in that cool, refreshing, vitalizing air.  Washing Away the Internal Chaos        Living with chronic pain and the weight of a failing medical system can create a constant, low-level "noise" inside the body. It’s a hum of anxiety, a thrum of DDD pain, and the dizzying sea of POTS symptoms. It feels like chaos. But when the rain starts, that chaos begins to fade. There is something about the rhythm of the drops, the "white noise" of the universe, that creates a moment o...

The Need for Flow        When you live with  POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) , your body is in a constant battle with gravity. My heart races, my head spins, and in the high-altitude Utah heat, it can feel like my life-force is evaporating. In the medical world, they tell you to "increase salt and fluids" to keep your blood volume up. In my world, I call it  Electrolyte Alchemy . It is the difference between surviving a flare and actually feeling present in my own skin. The Ritual of the Vessel        I don’t just "chug water." To make this feel less like a chore and more like a choice, I create a potion. I use a specific tall tumbler (complete with my favorite  The Nightmare Before Christmas  aesthetic). I love the weight of it; it feels heavy and intentional in my hand, a physical anchor when my head feels like it’s floating away. * The Base:  Chilled, filtered water (the element of flow). It must be ice...

  The Waiting Room of the Forgotten        Recently, I sat in an ER waiting room in Orem, and I saw the face of a failing system. I was there because my  Degenerative Disc Disease (DDD)  had progressed to "saddle numbness"—a red-flag symptom that usually demands immediate imaging. But as I sat there, I wasn't just a patient; I was a witness. I saw a baby, red-faced and screaming with fever, sitting in only a diaper, looking utterly miserable. I sat next to a man whose breathing sounded like a saturated sponge, nodding off in a way that made my skin crawl. I watched a woman stumble in, clutching a trash can, gasping that she was having an allergic reaction, only to be told to sit back down in the lobby after her vitals. Meanwhile, someone with a UTI was ushered straight to the back. The system isn't just slow; it’s blind. I eventually signed an AMA (Against Medical Advice) and walked out. I couldn't sit there and watch others suffer while feeling like m...

Trigger Warning: This post discusses menstrual health, and the use of menstrual blood in sacred rituals. Please read with care and honor your own comfort levels. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Red Thread        For the girlies who still carry the moon’s rhythm within them, it’s time we talk about the power in the "crimson time." We’ve been taught to hide it, medicate it away, and push through the exhaustion, as if our bodies aren’t performing a miracle of release. But what if we leaned into the magic instead? What if we recognized that during this time, our feminine energy is at its absolute peak ? It’s not a drain; it’s our wildest, most untamed power. The Strength in the Sensation        I’ve found a strange, fierce magic in the midst of the pain. I know it sounds wild, but I’ve reached a place where I, personally, refuse to take any form of pain medication unless it is absolutely, strictly nece...

  The Power of the Vibration      In my sanctuary, magic isn't always found in a candle or a crystal. Sometimes, it is born right in the center of my chest. I’ve discovered that  singing  is one of the fastest ways to shift the "frequency" of a room. When the air feels heavy or the "storm clouds" of a POTS flare or chronic pain start to roll in, I use my voice as a clearing bell. There is a physical vibration that happens when you sing at the top of your lungs. It moves through your bones, resonates in your heart, and pushes stagnant energy right out the door. It is a literal "vocal smudge" for your soul. The Myth of Perfection        Here is the most important part of this ritual:  You do not have to be "good" at singing to make it magical.  We live in a world that tells us if we aren't "stage-ready," we should stay quiet. But the Universe doesn’t care about pitch; it cares about  resonance . When you belt out your favori...

  The Long Drought        For weeks, my "Somatic Sanctuary" has been a place of pure survival. When you are managing POTS and DDD, sometimes the only goal is to breathe. In those seasons, the "spoons" required for a full beauty routine simply don't exist. The rituals that once made me feel like  me  fell by the wayside, replaced by the clinical necessity of just getting through the day. But last night, the winds shifted. With my partner's help in the bath, I found a sudden, rare pocket of energy. And I decided to use it to cast a spell. The Anatomy of the Spell        This wasn't about vanity; it was about  intent . Each step was a brick being laid back into the wall of my self-worth: * The Clearing:  Shaving away the weeks of "survival growth." * The Anointing:  Smoothing moisturizer over my skin and tracing my lash line with serum, inviting growth and softness back into my life. * The Crown:  Wrapping my hair i...

  The Myths of Biology        We are often told that "blood is thicker than water," a phrase used to guilt people into staying in toxic, abusive, or soul-crushing dynamics. But in my  Somatic Sanctuary , I’ve learned a different truth. Blood is just biology. It doesn’t grant someone the right to your peace, your space, or your safety. When your biological "roots" are poisoned by gaslighting and manipulation, the most magical thing you can do is uproot yourself and plant your spirit in better soil. The Weight of the Final "No"        About a month ago, I had to make the hardest decision of my life:  I had to cut off my terminally ill mother.  For my entire life, I saw her as my "safe person." But as I began to heal and look back through a clearer lens, the truth came to light in a way I couldn't ignore. She wasn't the protector I thought she was. When I was little and needed her most, she didn't protect me from my father’s abuse...

     In my journey through  modern mysticism , I’ve learned that the mind is a powerful tool. But when you’ve spent years in survival mode, your "internal house" can feel like it’s constantly on fire or freezing cold. When my nervous system hits that "high alert" frequency (that sharp, jagged feeling where everything feels too loud and too much) I don't always have the words to speak to my goddesses or the focus to meditate. Instead, I use color. The Language of Color      If you find traditional visualization hard, you aren't alone. Sometimes our brains are too tired to build a whole "secret garden" in our heads. But almost everyone can tap into the  feeling  of a color. For me, healing has two specific frequencies:  Vibrant White  and  Healing Gold . 1. The Vibrant White (For the Fire) When anxiety feels like a heat in my chest or a racing heart, I reach for  White . *The Feeling:  Imagine the silence of a deep lake...

  The Hardest Mundane Adventure        Yesterday, I took on a "boss battle" in the mundane world. I needed to go to the Vital Records office to get a voucher and my birth certificate. For anyone without a chronic illness, that’s a boring errand. For me, navigating that space while managing  POTS  and  DDD  was a full-scale adventure. The "Utah heat," the high-altitude air, and the anticipation of a potential "flare" or one of those  scary moments  made my heart rate spike before I even left the house. When your body is fighting you, simply existing in a public space requires strategy. The Scary Moment on the Edge        It started before I even got to the office. The  Vulnerable Alchemy  of needing help began at the door of the truck. I have strong "High Priestess" energy, but my legs... my legs are mortal. My DDD pain and POTS were in a fierce battle. I had to  literally lean on my partner , my en...

There is a specific kind of silence that follows a storm. For many years, my life was written in the language of shadows. A long, turbulent chapter of childhood and adult abuse that left the world feeling fractured and loud. In those times, silence wasn't a comfort; it was a weight. I spent a lifetime searching for a horizon that felt like home, and often, the first bridge I found to that safe space was made of music. Healing is rarely a straight line. It is a living, breathing ceremony of reclaiming the pieces of yourself that were told they didn't matter. For me, that reclamation has always been guided by music. The Mundane and the Magical      In the "mundane" world, music is a simple vibration... Sound waves traveling through the air of my home here in Utah. But in the "magical" world of the soul, music takes the heavy, leaden feelings of anxiety or past trauma and transmutes them into something gold, something bearable, and something beautiful. When I p...

       In the years when I was just trying to survive, mornings were a battlefield. They were loud, hurried, and filled with the static of "what comes next?" or "am I safe?" But today, in the clearing I have built for myself, the morning has become a ceremony. It starts with a simple glass jar, one that looks like those old fashioned milk bottles. It reminds me of the simplicity of the "olden days," and makes my life feel... Peaceful. The Alchemy of the First Sip      To the outside world, it’s just caffeine. But in the world of  alchemy , it is the first act of grounding. There is something about the cold condensation on the glass and the "pop" of the lid, that wakes up my senses without jarring my soul. When you have navigated childhood and adult abuse, your nervous system is often stuck in "high alert." You learn to live in the future, always watching for the next storm. But you cannot drink a chilled coffee in the future. You have t...

~The reality of a POTS flare in the Utah heat. Dark circles, deep exhaustion, and a body that needs to pause. But then, there’s Yennifer—my tiny, scaled guardian, reminding me that healing doesn't have to be loud to be powerful.~       In the journey of reclaiming a life from the shadows, we often look for grand signs of healing. Milestones, breakthroughs, and deep reflections. But sometimes, the most profound healing doesn't come from words at all. It comes from the rhythmic thump of a tail against the floor, the weight of a sleeping head on your lap, or the quiet, steady presence of a life that asks for nothing but your company. In my sanctuary here in Utah, I am protected by a trio of silent guardians. They are my mundane alchemists, turning ordinary moments into small ceremonies of peace. The Protectors: Lilo and Conan      There is a specific kind of safety that comes with owning dogs. Lilo, my Rhodesian Ridgeback Pitbull mix, and  Conan , ...

         Coming as You Are      There’s a common, quiet lie we often tell ourselves: that we have to be "ready" for our deities. We think we need to wait for the days when our spirit feels bright, our thoughts are clear, and our hearts are steady. But life doesn't always give us those clear-sky days. Sometimes, life feels heavy, or there’s an unsettling "buzzing" in our minds that makes it hard to even find our own footing. The Beauty of the Unfiltered        It’s easy to open the door when the sun is shining and everything is in its place. But there is a special kind of beauty in the days when we are at our most fragile. When we stop trying to "fix" ourselves before we reach out, we allow for a deeper kind of intimacy. There is a radical, healing comfort in saying,  "This is me today—tired, overwhelmed, and a little bit lost—and I’m letting you in anyway." The Gift of Being Met        The most beautifu...

       In a world that constantly asks us to look outside of ourselves for answers, for healing, and for validation, it is a radical act to turn inward. We often treat our bodies as mere vessels for our thoughts, or worse, as things to be judged, corrected, or endured. But what if your body wasn’t a problem to be solved? What if it was a sanctuary?      Today, we are talking about a powerful, free, and completely natural tool that dwells within you: self-pleasure. This isn't just about fleeting physical moments; it is a profound intersection of science, spiritual healing, and the transformative power of radical acceptance. This is a guide to reclaiming your energy and finding solace, right where you are.       The Internal Pharmacy: The Science of Sensation      It’s easy to dismiss the topic of self-pleasure  as purely hedonistic—the pursuit of pleasure as the ultimate good—but the science tells a different, muc...

  "Your home is the temple of your spirit, just as your body is the temple of your soul. To sweep the floor is to clear the mind; to polish the glass is to brighten your vision." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~      We’ve all heard that self-care is about "filling your cup." But sometimes, the best way to fill your cup is to make sure the kitchen you're sitting in feels like a sanctuary rather than a source of stress. In many ancient traditions, the home is a living, breathing extension of our own energy. When we view cleaning through a mystical lens, we realize it isn't just an obligation—it is a  ritual of self-respect  and a powerful way to move the unseen currents of our lives. Clearing the Stagnant Spirits      Have you ever walked into a room and felt a heavy, "gray" sensation? That is  stagnant energy . Just as physical dust settles on a bookshelf, the residue of old arguments, stres...

     When you live with chronic illness, no matter the diagnosis, there is a recurring ghost that haunts the bedside:  Guilt.  You often feel like a "bad witch" because your reserves are depleted. You find yourself unable to perform even the simplest forms of ritual or spell work. Your candles stay unlit, and your tarot deck gathers dust. But if we shift our perspective, we realize that the most spiritual thing we can do for ourselves is to close our eyes and simply  be . The Science: The Nervous System "Tax"      From a scientific standpoint, our bodies aren’t asking for rest; they are demanding it. When you have a chronic illness, the body is often stuck in a state of  Allostatic Load,  the literal "wear and tear" on the system caused by chronic stress or biological struggle. To heal, we must move out of the "Fight or Flight" (the  Sympathetic Nervous System ) and into the "Rest and Digest" state (the  Parasympathetic )....